Smile

This is no poem.
It is a letter,
to say my feelings,
My own real, true thoughts.
An apology,
For my weaknesses.

We've known each other,
For about a year.
You walk up to me,
And say, "hey, let's talk."

I know the topic,
But I don't expect,
The news soon to come.
"About her," I start,
"Thoughts?" you calmly ask.
Shrug. Try to keep calm.

"I dunno," I say.
You chuckle. I smile.
Your chuckles, your smiles,
They are infectious.

It's a warm day but,
My head won't focus,
On the beautiful,
Morning scenery,
Of clouds, high and white,
Of trees in the woods.

You turn, look at me,
Your smile is awkward,
As you slowly ask,
"But how do you feel?"

"It's her choice to like,
Whoever she likes,"
I say, meaning it.
I'm scared. I still ask,
"And what do you feel?"
He looked away? Oh.

Don't say it. Wait but,
Why not? "I like her."
Oh, 'cause I knew that.
Stay Calm. "Good," I say.

"Have you told her yet?"
"Not yet, but I will."
Smile. "Good. So will you,
Ask her out?" Stay calm.
"Yes". Smile! "Good." Stay Calm!
I mean it. It hurts.

"We're done?" Too Eager
"Just meant to tell you."
Smile. Smile! SMILE! "'Kay, Cool."
We part ways. I search.

I search for Friend. Here,
I only trust Friend,
With tears, and no smile.
Where is Friend? Eyes hurt.
Someone talks to me.
Nod. Smile. Eyes water.

Quick! Someone will see.
Oh. sigh. I found Friend.
I pull Friend away.
I finally say.

The truth can come out.
I am relieved. Why?
I am in pain. Why?
I expect to cry.
I don't. I know why.
Because I know her.

She is my best friend.
And he is my crush.
And I am so confused.
So I'll ask others.

But they don't help me.
They just make it worse.
My smile just falters,
My eyes have a leak,
As they lean in close,
And tell me, "Feel this."

Then I feel sad. Mad.
So I confront her.
Or at least try. But,
She is my best friend.

The words are not mine.
They breathe down my neck.
The words become mine.
I'm hurt. I'm angry.
And I go tell her.
I hurt my best friend.

It is now too late,
But I finally,
Stopped listening to,
What the others said.

This is no poem.
It is a letter,
to say my feelings,
My own real, true thoughts.
An apology,
For my weaknesses.

Best friend, I love you.
And crush, I love you.
And you two are both,
My important friends.

I am jealous. True.
I am angry. False
I am sad. True. But,
I am happy. True.
Because, best friend, I,
Trust you with him. Smile.